I don't much fail

There is something that my father or mother instilled in me at one point that seems to make me different than a lot of people.  I don't really fail at things.  I mean, yeah, I fail but it never feels like failure to me.  I just don't have that in my mental vocabulary.  I try something, it works I keep doing it, it doesn't I do something else hopefully taking a lesson with me.  Anyone looking at the company I ran could probably point out any number of failures.  I threw a lot of paint at the wall and did have some people tell me to be more thoughtful.  But much of it worked and there were a lot of employees who worked for us who had better lives as a result.  But I did a lot of stuff that didn't work out, spent a lot of money on systems and advisors that fell by the wayside.  Kurt Vonnegut in my head saying 'so it goes'.  Never did I say, 'that was a failure', never did I feel it.  Just turn over the pedals and keep riding.

On the other hand I never feel like I've succeeded.  I've never felt like I'd arrived somewhere and could say I was a success at anything.  

I just hang around in the middle somewhere. It is a trade off.

My guess is that I'll move on from my current working experiment while things are still OK.  I could soldier (or sailor) on and get better and/or maintain my current level of mediocrity but I don't get up in the morning with even a little bit of excitement or interest now I'm in routine production mode.  And the gig is about to get way more difficult for a number of reasons I can't get into without being specific about the company and I likely signed something or other saying I can't do that.  But, Christmas and logistics are going to get ugly.

Apparently I'm once again living in one of the best place to live in the U.S.  and, as I've frequently said here, the economic growth of the country (and more specifically here) is going to sling shot so my finding a replacement gig that is more enticing is just a matter of time.  I'm working on a couple already.

This being a journal, I'm thinking out loud.  So Pros and Cons of dropping the gig.

Pros: I'm too old to be doing something I don't enjoy unless I have to.  And I don't have to.  I'm not going to starve.  The more I think about it, the more I dread the work.  And if I apply the same number of hours, 20, to independent endeavors I'll likely do as well and better.

Cons: Only two reasons.  

One, it stretches me.  I LOVE doing nothing.  I'm actually pretty good at it but it does lend itself to being a little brain dead, maybe something not good at my age.  So I'll have to do something, push myself.  At least I know what work is required by companies for the $15ish/hour I've been making.

Two, the money is kind of nice.  I've got a couple of expenses with auto and animal and crown replacement.   But I've got a checks coming and will have more to fill out the end of my work and the coffers will be much replenished.  And my mortgage is being refinanced so that expense is down.

Not a done deal but I'm leaning more towards making the break.  The logical time would be before the land rush that they call 'schedule drop' where everyone signs on at 10 on a Saturday morning tries to get a decent schedule when it becomes available.  Another major annoyance.  Kills your Saturday and no matter how it works people end up with half hour blocks that tie up the day and are worth about $5 in pay.  I can make that much on Prolific.

So decision is some time today, I'd guess.  Serve out the next week for which I'm already committed and then move on.  Or sign on this Saturday and obligate for another week.

No failure, some success.  I've actually learned a lot, more than I ever would have thought.


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