bill_schubert

Anxiety

The NFL theme song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxNGMvNIvP8) has for most of my life caused me anxiety.  My stomach clinches when I hear it.

The song speaks of Sunday afternoon, of games on TV I want to watch, distractions I want to be part of, early sunset, cold darkness setting in seemingly in the middle of the afternoon.

And obligations.  Because Monday morning follows Sunday afternoon.  And I haven't done what I was supposed to have done before Monday.  When I was younger it was homework.  When I was older it was some job that I was behind on.  I can clearly remember an afternoon in San Diego.  The Oakland Raiders were playing and my stomach was tied in knots over something due the next day on which I was hopelessly behind.

The days of my being behind on something due Monday are officially over as of the 5th of August when the last company for whom I intend to work let me go.

But the NFL theme song still plays.  And the afternoon slips into darkness early.  

And, out of sheer habit my stomach clinches.

Anxiety is so often a habit.  

I need to be proactively blissful.  Let the leaves fall as they may from the tree and enjoy their path to the ground without trying to force the leaves into the path I think they should be taking.

Piece of cake.  If only that damn theme weren't in my head on Sunday afternoon.

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