bill_schubert

Anxiety

I've had some form of social anxiety as far back as I can remember.  It manifested itself in many ways but mostly in my pushing people away so that I was safe.  Being a guy I have only the guy tools to do such work so have had very few male friends in my life.   It sounds sad but having mostly female friends has been fine.  

It looks like I'm going to need some employment to create a larger financial safety net.  The nice part is we don't need much and I have a lot of time to both find the right work and to do the work.  So I've been reading the huge number of 'work at home sites' and ran across an article about how work at home resolves the social anxiety part of work.  My stomach relaxed at the thought and I realized how much I really don't like going into a space with a bunch of people, even ones I see every day.  This is magnified exponentially by interacting with people I don't know on a daily basis.  I started a computer service company with some thought to not allowing myself to tolerate what most people would call a weakness.  

My usual mode of operation throughout my life is to find the thing that most puts me off and do it.  Don't like interacting with people?  Start a service company.  That kind of thing.  

But now I'm old enough I don't need to develop myself much in that direction.  I don't need personal growth with an eye toward running a large company or anything like that.  So now I'm going against my norm and looking to be a small stay at home cog for a few bucks in whatever kind of wheel wants to utilize my experience and capabilities.

It feels relaxing to think like that.  It is nice to get up in the morning and not have that knot in my stomach.  Still getting used to it.  My body learns slower than does my mind.

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